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[Sana-chan]

Note: I do realize I rant a lot and I apologize for that. I figure ya know.. Advice and opinions do help and posting it here I get the opportunity to receive such a variety in advice and opinions. I really appreciate it.

Okay, so we will start on July 4th.

I received an e-mail from my ex-boyfriend, Nathan pretty much saying that he never wants to see me again.
Mind you, this is after he convinced me to move back from Santa Cruz and he led me on to believe we had a friendship going on. I always thought it fishy that he wouldn't respond to my calls/texts/and e-mails very much. But he was still telling me that he considers me his best friend.

He said he can't associate with me because when I broke up with him it made him suicidal and that all his friends felt the same way about me, that I'm not a good person. He said his parents think less of me because I moved to Santa Cruz and into an apartment with someone I met over the internet.

(I realize that was really stupid. But when my family and I dropped my sister off at Santa Clara University he came up and met my family.)

Nathan also said that I had to do what I had to do and I did it for a reason and then all of a sudden he says things that really hurt. He said that his love for me is that of a friend, yet he won't let me contact him at all. It's all very hard to deal with and I'm doing the best I can recover from that.

It's all very hard to do because he has always been there.. Ever since I was a freshman in High School, and now he is never there. I mean.. how would you deal with it? Being led on like that...

Moving on to July 6th. The day I turned 19.
It was all good at first. Things were going fine. It was early and I figured people were still sleeping. I even left my phone in the other room for a few hours. My brother still hasn't said happy birthday.
I went to a party that wasn't for me, but I went cuz I was planning a party for saturday anyway. So it was something to do.

I invited at least 20-25 people.


Saturday, July 7.

Party day! I told people to show up between 1-2 pm.

Three text messages arrived at around 12 pm saying those three people couldnt come. So I was like okay whatever doesnt matter.

Come 3:30 pm, My friend Robert showed up. We waited an hour then hopped in the pool. Swam for an hour. Still no one else showed up. (Oh I forgot to mention that one of my roommates from Santa Cruz was crashing at my place for the week so he was there too )

We went to Game Stop and bought a couple games for my DS and then came back to my house. No calls, no other people,and no texts...

So. we ate and then I took robert home and that was that. No one else spoke of it when they called me on sunday. I think that's a little f'd up...that all my friends did that..



~Now~

Today is okay. I guess. Went to Sac Anime yesterday and got Crispin Freeman's autograph then bought a Chobits poster and left. Saw Transformers with a friend and went to his friend's house and watrched movies until 1:30 am and then I came home and slept.



I'm also planning a trip to texas to visit Akane's lil Pig if anyone remembers him. But I have to save up a lot fo money for that..Parents are not helping with plane ticket and other stuff.

I'm working at Beermann's Bottling company. My job there is to pick up the bottles off the line and package them. I get paid 10 bucks an hour under the table which is awesome. That's going well for now.


I am starting to think that maybe moving back to sac was a good thing but also a bad place for me to be.My mom is coming to me telling me that my dad thinks i hate him. hmm...i wonder why..
Thing is I DON'T hate him. He's always assuming things and telling my mom and not me. Major pet peeve. My mom is trying to get me to go to counseling STILL. It's really getting annoying. I've been doing REALLY well. I'm not depressed or anything I just get sad from time to time. That's normal.

I don't know what to do. I'm planning to go back to school, but not until spring semester or even fall semester 2008. As of right now I am saving up money not only for my Texas trip but also if I am going to school, I don't have to borrow from my parents or anyone else if I go out with friends, ya know?


My life is very confusing for me right now, and I am hoping that I can just ride on through this time. With support from my friends and maybe my relatives (not so sure on that one) I know I will succeed in life.


Hopefully...

[Mathias]

Sometimes you have to call your friends and remind them of stuff. I hate doing it, but sometimes you have to.

We've covered most of the other stuff in recent topics, so I'm not going to rehash anything here. Keep thinking positive and you'll do fine. Good luck!

[falling-angel-111]

You know, I can undertsand a little about how you feel about your ex, seeing as you knew him so long and been through so much. But if he's just doing what he thinks is best for him, then really all you can do is let it go and hope he has a good life, even though it'd be hard. But I think that was pretty shitty of him to bring you all the way back there, and saying stuff like YOU made him suicidal. Uh, yeah you totally forced him to date you, and then you told him to cut his wrists. Everybody has a choice in life, You didn't make him suicidal, sometimes you have to make choices for yourself, and you don't realize how much pain it's cuasing other people.

Anyways, I guess it's good that your mom is worried, my parents don't really get like that. they don't think emotionals develope in people till they move out and you don't have to deal with em anymore. ;) She just wants to make sure you're okay, to make sue things don't get bad I guess.

[Kelene]

Happy Belated Birthday!

I think it is great that you are working to pay for your trip and school. The more money you make now then the less you will have to worry about student loans. Just the fact that you want to go back to school (either spring or next fall) is great.

And if the roommate thing is working out then good for you. Decent apartments are difficult to find and you have someone to pay half the rent. Anyhow, most of the time if one is looking for a roommate you would put up a poster asking around if anyone was interested. You wouldn't know the person until you talked to them for five minutes. Doesn't matter if you are a female and the roommate is a male. You still have separate lives.

Your ex-boyfriend just sounds like he was trying to come up with a lame excuse for something dumb he may have attempted. It may be better that you have nothing else to do with him since it seems he is using you.

[Ladywriter]

my art teacher (the one I really liked - Smars) had a plaque on the wall

Art mistakes can be a new beginning

Such things apply to life as well.
Why bother to second guess and berate yourself before seeing what new opportunities are before you?
maybe you are supposed to be there ne? just give it time. maybe something that you never suspected will come out of your move