we moved again

[falling-angel-111]

I'm so confused right now. I feel like I'm running out of things that are worth living for...I have zero friends left because we just got kicked out of our last rv park, and in doing so my boyfriend ended up moving about 60 miles away. :( It's just that we had so many plans and I really wasn't ready for this, we're gonna try to see eachother, but I'm worried that this isn't gonna last long. And without him, what do I really have to live for?... I mean what's the point if I'm miserable all the time. I thought the point in life is to have a good time with friends and family and all that. But if you can't even be happy because you don't have anyone, then what do you do?...:( I can't even call him much. All I have left is his picture and a bunch of scars and memories and I know I can't remember it all forever. And if you're gonna say "you need to move on" don't bother, because I can't. I think young love is a lot more than people like to make it out to be. Maybe if everybody weren't working against us, it wouldn't be so hard. Everywhere I look in my house reminds me of him, sometimes I forget for a second that we moved and I'm expecting him to show up at the door. It's just when you relise it, it feels like your heart stops and your throat is closing up and you can't help but cry again. Well, anyways I just felt like typing.

[CabbitGirl]

each scar runs deep if you're very close to that person. im not going to say to suck it up and move on because thats difficult for anyone at any age. its not gonna get easier, but with a new move comes new friends. go out and try and make some. staying locked up in the house isnt going to do you any good. i know you cant get much peace in your house or leave all that often, but if you make some new friends you wont be as miserable and when you can get out of the house, you can have a place to go. dont stay depressed, its no way to be. cheer up =3 think of the move as a new adventure even if your special someone is a bit farther away than usual. if you can make it work, then make it work. im not saying it wont and im not saying it will, but do the best you can. if the distance makes you crazy then get close once in a while, otherwise youre not doing yourself any good.

[Mathias]

If you haven't already, get a job. It helps to take your mind off things and earns you a little cash that can be used for some cell phone minutes, a calling card, or to help pay for your parents phone bill. Most restaurants hire at 15, I know that's when I HAD to start working outside the home.

I suggest that you think positive thoughts and do something positive towards achieving your desires. Whether those desires are to do good in school or keep in touch with a boyfriend. A job can easily help with the cash flow issues, and since you have an Internet connection you can still send emails back and forth with pictures too.

Good luck, and know that we'll be praying for you.

[falling-angel-111]

Well, I won't be 15 till september, but I will get a job when ever I possibley can. Really an internet connection doesn't help me much in this situcation, cause he doesn't have one. I don't know if he even knows how to use email. -_-' He does have a job, but he owes his mom 1000.00 for putting his car in the shop. And with the prices of gas he probably won't be wanting to drive down here any time soon. I don't know though, I havn't got to talk to him much. When we found out we were moving our parents weren't very happy with us at that point, so we didn't get to tslk this whole thing through much. What I need right now is transportation and money. But I'm not really old enough for either. Actually I could use a hard drink with that too.

As for making friends and trying to be happy, I don't really want to. I don't really want a friend that's gonna stab me in the back, and so far my boyfriend is the only one that hasn't. When we moved my dad made it very clare that I'm not allowed to hang out with guys anymore, I don't know that he'll keep that, but I'm not really into hanging out with a bunch of girls. Frankly I just feel like sitting around the house and crying, seeing as I can't do what I really want to.

[CabbitGirl]

just make a bunch of acquaintances then. its better than having no one at all =/ if youre afraid of them stabbing you in the back, just keep a bit of distance. its hard being 14 but enjoy the summer to say the least. its time to relax, not create more drama

[Mathias]

First off, don't ever drink alcoholic beverages. I waited until I was twenty one and after a few incidents, I discovered that I and just about everyone else in the world is better off without it.

Alright, now I'm going to sound like the parent I am. You're not even 15 yet. There's so much to do in this world, that boys shouldn't be an option worth carrying about. Most long-term relationships are not made until you're out of high school, including guys.

Though I'm totally against guns, I've toyed with the idea of getting a boom stick when my girl reaches puberty. Puberty stinks and screws your whole body up. It's best to grin and bear it and remember abstinence will keep you out of so much trouble.

Ok, I'm done being a parent, but somebody had to say it. There's way too much to live for and you won't grasp it fully until you're out of high school and for me not until after college. That's when I met my wife and though I've gone on MANY dates with MANY women, none of them made me truly happy. Here's the kicker. Believe it or not, my wife and I were each other's FIRST kiss among other things at 22 and 20. I'm glad I waited for the right one, and no offense, I remember being 14 and in love, and I and most others had no clue what it was TRULY about.

[falling-angel-111]

If somebody I really like (one of the few people that makes me happy) isn't worth carrying about, then what is? What is there to care about if it's not the people around you. I understand where you're coming from, that I havn't had enough time to know what makes me happy, but if I'm happy with him, then what's wrong with that? And if I'm not with somebody I "love" then what's the point in any of this? You said that there's a lot to live for, like what? I can see myself living because I'm happy with the people around me, or because I have a family, a baby, a husband, anything. But I sure as hell can't see myself happy with martial things. I just need someone there who will stick around through the good and bad times, and so far he has. We've been together for about 10 months. It's just that everybody thinks love is so great, but if you say you're young and in love, they act like it's the stupidest thing ever. What's it matter if I'm young or not? If we're happy together, and we treat each other right, and we don't do stupid shit all the time, then what's so wrong with that?

[Mathias]

There is nothing wrong with love. And I can't say that this guy isn't the one, who knows he might be. My point is that you need to give life time to work things through. If you think this is it and that there is nothing else, then I'm sorry to say that you are sorely wrong.

There is plenty to look forward to that includes faith, love, and many other wonderful things. Just because things aren't working out very well now, does not mean that they won't in a few years. It took me another eight years before I could figure out what love is and make things work out for the best. Many others don't figure things out until later in life. You may have struck gold and found it early and I am happy with you if you did.

Here is a list of some of the things that I find worth living for:
1.) God. He has always been there for me, for the best and worst of times.
2.) Myself. I find pride in myself for all that I have accomplished, from the littlest things to the greater things.
3.) People. I grew up knowing a lot of crappy people who didn't treat me right at all, but it is for those few diamonds in the rough (to quote Aladdin) like your boyfriend, who have made life worth living. Now if you didn't try to meet any new people then you may just miss your next best friend or possible mate.

I could go on if you want, but I think you'll get bored with all the mushy things I have to say. There you go and I hope that you understand that life is worth living.

End Essay. :)

[falling-angel-111]

yeah, I'm sure you're right. It's just, have you ever been at a point where you're happy with life, or so you think. And then you meet someone who makes you feel so happy, like you'd never felt that way ever before. And then to have that taken away makes life seem like shit, like you can never be that happy without that person again. It's like being in a dark room all day, and then going outside into the light, and then back to your room, it takes time to adjust back to the dark.

[Mathias]

Been there, done that. It does take time to adjust, and we'll pray for you every step of the way.

[Wolflord]

First off, don't ever drink alcoholic beverages.
Who needs alcohol when you have illegal plant substances :p
Seriously hun, you know I've always been there for you, like how you've been there for me. I'll continue to be as supportive and helpful as I can for as long as I can
I'd offer to give you my number and let you call me whenevr you want, but you don't have a phone and the long distance charges would be murder.

Hang in there kiddo, we're all here for you.

[Mimiru]

Yeah be like me. work at 15 at mcdonalds! free food and pretty easy cash :) $

[falling-angel-111]

Thanks guys, I'm starting to feel a little better. (wolflord, you're lucky, I don't even have that anymore. :-p ) I kinda feel like getting out today, but I'm praying that in the next couple days I'll be getting a cell, so I can talk to him more often.

Even mcdonalds is fine with me at this point. :p

[falling-angel-111]

Hey, sorry for the double post, just a little update I guess.

I got to talk to him for a little while last night. well, his car is outta the shop and he's getting his license back today (lost his wallet a couple days before we left) so he said he'll come see me either today, but most likely tomorrow because my dad works then. :) I hope everything works out, if he comes tomorrow then we can spend most of the day together. I'm still feeling a bit depressed from time to time, but if I can just keep this one good thing going, then I'll be just fine. thanks guys

[Vincent]

the most important thing is to stick it through. life has obstacles but that's what makes life interesting and you a stronger and better person. remember, a gemstone isn't found pretty. you have to work constantly to polish it into something beautiful.

[falling-angel-111]

Yeah, that makes sense and all but I never seem to be getting any better.

Like, the whole happy mood I was in when I made that post, kinda faded away already. With the mood swings I'm having lately, I'm really wondering if I'm pregnant. >_> Like do mood swings start within the first month? I just hate school and that I'm so stupid, so I try to work through it but I just get confused and frustrated and I feel even worse than I did before I started. I feel like it's completely hopeless, every time I try to do anything, I just end up hating myself even more. Lately I've noticed that I've gained a little waight around my stomach, so I thought it'd be a good idea to not eat so much, and excersise a little. Well of course that doesn't work so well with me, now it's like I'm so obsessed with my stomach. I have no self control at all, it's like every other hour I'm looking down at my stomach to make sure I havn't eaten too much. Gah! this stupid shit is driving me crazy, none of it matter and yet I can't help but feel like I have to control it. I just need my bf here to hold me. When he's around I don't think about this stupid shit, I don't obsess over everything that's wrong with me. And to top it all off I have a horrible head ache. I need some sleeping pills, so I can just sleep when I get in these stupid moods of mine.

[Dubird]

Mood swings can be related to your period. It can happen up to two weeks before, even. I don't have major mood swings, but for about a week, it's VERY easy for me to become depressed. Some women aren't affected at all. Some women, it hits really hard. Keep a record of your worst days and your periods, and next time you're at your doctor, ask about it. It could be nothing. It could be controlable with simply hormones. It could just be a phase for you, too. There's no way to know for sure unless you talk with your doctor and discuss your options.

As for other things, I think what catchs my attention about what you said is all the stuff about your boyfriend. Yes, it's great that you've found someone, but you shouldn't tie your identity to having a boyfriend. Even if he is the one for you, you need your own identity first. I've seen girls who define themselves as so-and-so's girlfriend and they're never happy unless they have a boyfriend. I'm not saying break up with him or anything! But you should find something you can enjoy doing by yourself or with a group of friends. If you're worried about your weight (and at your age, you really shouldn't be!), try walking. Just taking a good 20 minute walk outside. Bring a walkman or something, and just walk without trying to think of things. You might find that it relaxes you a bit, and being relaxed helps you look at problems and find solutions instead of obsessing about what can go wrong.

Oh, and the little stomache you describe? That's NORMAL for women to have. Granted you don't want a big overhang or whatever, but a little poochy gut is very normal. It's a physcal sign that your body is now able to support a baby. Not that you want to go out and get pregnant now!! But that's all it is. If you go to the beach and look, almost every woman in a twopiece has a little poochy gut. Those that don't are the ones that are either women who work with weight machines and are fully toned or women that are starving themselves to a not-healthy state.

[falling-angel-111]

Yeah I guess that could be one of the reasons too. Plus I'm 14, mood swings are part of being a teen I suppose.

See, the thing is that I'm really really lonely right now. A few weeks before I ended up moving, EVERY frindship that I had went down the drain and if I wanted to keep my boyfriend (who is the only who did stay by me through all the shit) then I couldn't really try to fix anything. Which really wasn't hard for me to accept because it was all such a big mess, I mean you can only say sorry to someone so many times before they're just not gonna forgive you anymore. So the point is that my bf is the only one I have right now, which is pretty much why I'm obsessing. I mean I seem to do that a lot with guys, even just being they're friends, they always mean a lot to me. So I hate it when I fuck things up.

As for the stomache, I can deal with it, I shouldn't complain unless I plan on going to the gym, which I don't! So, I'm just gonna try to not think about it so much. And no, getting pregnant would be the worst right now. lol

[Mathias]

Please tell me you're not having sex at 14?! O_O